The End is Near

But often, in the world’s most crowded streets,
But often, in the din of strife,
There rises an unspeakable desire
After the knowledge of our buried life;   — The Buried Life, Matthew Arnold, 1852 

I have been bumping up this end-of-life reminders.

The Good Life Project podcast had an (clink on this link) interview with Ben Nemtin who, with his teenage friends, asked the question, "What do you want to do before you die?"  That started a journey that resulted in a MTV reality show series with them going around the country ticking off their own bucket list but more importantly, they helped those along the way to do the same.

Then I ran across a Netflix movie, About Time which was a light, British time travel movie.  The protagonist, a charmingly awkward guy was able to keep traveling back in time for a do-over of the parts of his life.  He learned that instead perfecting those moments in his life the secret to life is to appreciate and enjoy each moment while living it.  This life lesson of appreciating each and every moment of our time here on Earth is something I always look to embrace.

I grew up being fully aware of my mortality even at a young age.  I am not sure where that came from.  My parents died while I was in my 30s and they were the only ones that passed who I was close to.  When I saw the Jack Nickolson and Morgan Freeman movie, The Bucket List, I was not inspired to create one of my own.  I did not have such a burning desire or probably more likely, daring to dream for myself.  I concluded that I did not want to die with regrets and that right now in my life, I did the best I can to live a good life.  Trips or experiences did not call to me to make me happy or happier.

I did yearn to fulfill my Life's Purpose though I did not know what that is. I wonder it was because I was scared to admit it, for then I had to go and live it.  This has been my lifelong struggle.  Ever since my childhood, I looked for what I should be doing in my life.  I remember asking my Father that question when I was 12.  He told me to be an archeologist which was totally out of left field for I never showed any interest in anything like that.  I asked why, he said you can work outside and be your own boss.  I later realized it was his dream.

I have spent thousands of dollars, months of workshops and classes, answered thousands of questions on interest/personality tests, used psychics among a myriad of other approaches in order to get some sort of idea for the direction for my life.  I know that "the answer lies from within" but I could not access that.  It was and still is highly frustrating.  I use to think that my one regret would be dying before I was living my life's purpose.

I tried to reorient my point of view by telling myself that I AM living my life's purpose.  But the thing was that I did not feel any joy or satisfaction living with that assertion.  So I focused on getting in touch with my joy and being satisfied with my life.  And here is where I am now.  I write my daily gratitudes.  I live as mindfully as I can, appreciating the moments in my life.  I am working with my Body Talk energy practitioner to release any blockages to feel joy.  I look for activities that I enjoy.  I work on being OK with whatever happiness I do feel however I do not equate happiness with joy.

I am a work-in-progress.  I am healthy, have wonderful friends and family, and have some financial wherewithal so I do have hope that I have time to get to that place of being in joy while fulfilling that thing that I am meant to do on this Earth.