On Being Honest

I wonder about the value of honesty or more specifically to tell people what you think and feel. What is the value of that? On the surface, sharing what is going on inside gives people a window of who you are which in turn creates a connection, an intimacy between each you and them. The downside is that this openness can create distance, anger, or anxiety depending on what and how it is shared.

I think there should be no question on whether or not that I need to know what I think and feel for myself. I do think it is a matter of judgment whether to share that with others. There are those who do not know what they are feeling or thinking until they articulate or act it out.

To be honest with myself is the foundation of being in integrity. To be honest with others is a judgment call. I look at the intention when I or someone else shares their thought or feelings. What is the purpose of doing so? What is the agenda? Is this a blurting out, automatic behavior or is there a reason for such communication?

I have a single friend who is trying to create a relationship. He wants to do the “right” thing by being honest with himself and with the woman he is with. The thing is that he has shared his doubts about being in relationship with her all in the name of honesty. I wonder if that is the wisest thing if he truly wants to create a lasting relationship. Is the real reason is him wanting to adhere to this standard of honesty? Or is it more of unconsciously sabotaging the relationship before it can go further? What is his true intention?

I have convinced myself that to verbalize what I think or how I feel is not necessary in the name of honesty. I do know that I need to do it for those times of asserting myself, for connection in sharing what is going on inside of me, and to uncover for myself what is going on inside.

There is this great book by Kelly Bryson, Don’t be Nice, be Real. The subtitle is balancing passion for self with compassion for others. Bryson discusses a great approach of having honest and compassionate communication with the intention of connection.

So honesty needs to be based in that intention of compassionate connection otherwise it is manipulation or blame or anger or fear or judgment.

IF YOU HAVE GOTTEN THIS FAR THEN YOU ARE QUALIFIED TO ADD A COMMENT ... and please be HONEST (did I really say that?  LOL)