I really hate to keep feeling (and declaring) that I am struggling (see my previous post about being a Seeker). I want to focus on what is working for me. I do that on my Facebook posts of gratitude but it seems that it is not enough so maybe this blogging will fill that void.
I look around and feel the love of my children and experience the outreach of those friends in my life. I am continue to be surprised to hear and read how loved I am from those who know me. I don't dismiss that. I accept that praise, the beauty of their love and glow upon me. Do I really, I mean REALLY take that in? I think I do but there is that doubt that I 100% fully do just because I still get surprised whenever I get the adulation, the acceptance from those around me.
Do I discount that because of the negative work experience and feedback? Do I discount that because of my previous romantic relationships that have parted company from me?
This may be overthinking it or it may be getting in touch with the nub of this. I find it frustrating that I am not in touch with myself enough to discern "the truth" of my experience. I wish I had a better, discerning internal compass so I can trust myself and trust my path.
I believe the key to my life is getting in touch with my Joy. I really don't think I have ever done that in my life. I have worked with my wonderful BodyTalk practitioner Sid Snider on this. I have done Heather (now Christian) Strang's classes on this. I have work on this in different ways for decades through classes, gurus/practitioners/energy workers/psychics/coaches and workshops (conventional and "woo-woo" ones) as well as saying "YES!" to opportunities and invitations in my life.
As per suggestion by Lee Huntington, I am writing again. I see this is yet another possibility, an avenue to get in the "flow" and find my heart.
My brother Todd Davis suggested a la Abraham (Hicks) to ask the Universe for that, allow and see what happens after 24 hours.
I continue to be hopeful (more or less) and eternally grateful for those in my life who care for me and my well being.
Metta (loving kindness),
Mark
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