Guys Suck as Friends

There I said it.  Guys suck as friends.  At least for me.  Ironically it was my guy friend who said this as well.  Of course I am being deliberately provocative as well as generalizing and stereotyping but I do find that most are that way.  Ironically I came from a loving family of two brothers with an intact family of great parents who would do everything for their sons.  I wonder what is the thing with me that cannot keep male friends in my middle age and beyond.  I find that the men I befriended that they eventually drop out of my life, they usually do it by ghosting.  No returned texts or phone calls.  No explanation on why.  Puzzling ... and rude especially when the last time we have gotten together bore no indication of any issues between us.  

In general, I find most men to be more interested in talking rather than listening,  to know-it-all and quick to tell me what I should do even though I never ask for their advice.  I don't trust such people and am on guard around them.  They are not empathetic nor willing to be open.  

I seek and connect with those who ask the deep questions, of themselves and of the world around them especially in the spiritual and psychological realms.  I cannot relate to those who rather focus on the logical and rational which covers most people which are both men and women but men more so than women.  With all of that said, I do have some beautiful male friends in my life.  They are spiritual, kind, good listeners.  

For me it comes down to trust. While growing up I learned that men tend to judge me more harshly and focus more on results of what I can do rather than who I am.  I found that I had to withstand being the target of aggression for being aggressive is a measure of strength.  Being raised in a Japanese American family where as a culture, we were not that way.  We focused on being cooperative rather than competitive.  We focused on getting along and keeping a low profile rather than standing out and being arrogant.  We were taciturn.  All qualities which males grew up learning to be.  This is the cultural norm.  These are valued and factors for success. And even my brothers all come from this common family and cultural background, I cannot relate to them from the heart level.  I do not trust them for me to be vulnerable with them for they are advice givers, non-listeners and left brain bound.

My Boston U roommates and I trying to look manly & sophisticated

So I ponder this from time-to-time because not having a lot of male friends compared to the women in my life, I think there is somewhat of an imbalance.  I have given up trying to change myself to be more masculine in that traditional sense.  I now focus my attention in accepting who I am and getting in touch that yang energy on my terms.  I believe the balance is being assertive rather than aggressive, being confident and proud without being arrogant, and being focused on self improvement rather than being a winner where there is a loser.  This is where I want to go.

Check out this funny song about men:
Martin Mull men song