I'm Back

Here I am after being inspired to post on my continuing existential crisis of the soul.  My how that sounds so serious and deep.  In reality I think this is my indulgence of my ego to give myself some solace in dealing with my mundane challenges.  My life is dribbling away from me, day by day.  I look back and keep noticing how years ago I was working on changing this and have not really progressed towards my happiness, finding meaning in my life or any sense of spiritual peace.

I also keep reminding myself that I live a blessed life.  I am healthy.  I have caring friends and family. I have a place to live and able to afford the basics.  I have this inner longing that pokes at me from the inside to desire more.  The "more" not in a greedy way.  There is an nudging discomfort that I cannot ignore or cover up or distract myself from as much as I try.  It is something I keep trying to ignore by counting my blessings but it keeps coming back.  The Universe, my unconscious, whoever or whatever is telling me over and over again that I need more in my life.  I need to know and live my meaning.  I need to indulgently fulfilled.  What the hell?

A good friend of mine, Diemut (I love that name) told me that perhaps a path towards life purpose realization is through my photography combined with my writing.  Hence I am restarting my blog.  This seems to make some sense to me.  I never really considered myself a writer or even like to write but here I am.  I call this processing my thoughts rather than writing.  My photographs are here as a way of giving visual meaning to the words.  I would like to play around with having no relevance as well.  This is a place where I can experiment in choosing how I want to present myself to the world.  Not trying to be that coherent or perfect.  That will be a bit of a departure in approaching writing and posting.