Accepting my spiritual journey

I just wrote an email to my former partner who could not accept my spiritual path and practices.
This both dismayed me and puzzled me for my practices are simple, fairly conventional and non-threatening... or so I thought.

I tell people that my spirituality is what the Dalai Lama says, "This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness."  My practice is kindness, being in the present moment, integrity and authenticity.

What was not understood was that I strayed from conventional medicine and logic by spending money with a psychic healer and an energy Body Talk worker.

Was this a red flag on my sanity? my gullibility?  my intelligence?  my common sense?  Perhaps, though I do feel that I am pretty grounded on all of those areas.  I point to this fascinating documentary of this "false prophet" who fooled people to follow him despite he telling them not to.
 
I tell people that my spiritual journey is driven by desperation. I seek out the woo-woo because the logical, the pushing hard toward goals was not working for me.  I look in skeptical askance, do some due diligence in testimonial proofs, but at the end of the day it's a leap of faith for me.  But then again, it's that way when I do the logical thing as well.

All this has brought about being viewed as  someone whose life and views on life cannot be trusted.

This pains me for, I work hard on being transparent with my vulnerabilities and open questions about myself known to all whom I share my life with.  Even though I know the risks of being judged and not being trusted as someone who knows how to live their life "well," I open my kimono anyway. I can only be who I am and hiding that does not serve me for I tried that before and did not serve me.  I lived another person's life that way.  This is my practice to live in integrity.

Even though I am not for everyone, it does give me pain to not be accepted by people whom I have felt a heart connection with.  Therein lies the paradox of friendship and what that truly means.  I view those people who I feel are close to me are people who accept the core aspects of me as I do with them.  They understand me or at least trust me enough to accept me without negative judgment.  I believe understanding begets acceptance and it is harder to accept something or someone without having an understanding.

I don't understand this journey myself.  I have made leaps of faith and cannot explain why.  It comforts me that those around me accept who I am despite or because of how live my life.  It pains me to have those who I care for, love, or respect that do not accept this aspect of my life.

I relate to what this author has said here in an article on what she got out of Ram Dass' teachings:
Most spiritual seekers have tried it all. Yoga, meditation, energy healing, psychic readings, shamanic work, plant medicine, to name just a few. These are wonderful tools, mind you. Practices we can utilize to bring us into deeper presence with ourself and our world.
We do need to practice. But, at the end of our lives, all we truly have is our inner awareness and ability to connect to that. We may seek external means to do so, until one day, we realize the heart of the matter is within us. As we connect to the sacred heart, the sacred matter that holds and loves us infinitely beyond the point of our own passing, we more fully know who and what we are, and where we come from.

I continue to practice connecting to my heart, sometime using tools that may not work and look foolish, but my goal remains that I get into my joy and my life's purpose.