Guilt Tripping

Or is it shame?
[click on this link] Evelyn 'Champagne' King - Shame

From the Merriam-Webster dictionary:  a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety.

My definition is that It is unintentionally and usually publicly doing the wrong thing though carelessness and/or by not being mindful.  I have peed in public because I could not hold it any longer and did not want to wet my  pants.  I have lost my glasses that I was wearing without remembering how by drinking too much.  I recently got fired from the lowest wage job I ever had since I was a teenager by some egregious dereliction of duty.

[click on this link] Bene' Brown has talked and written extensively about shame.  However she identifies Shame's origins are Never good enough and Who do you think you are?  Her theme seems like that shame is the result of trying and failing at something.  She makes a distinction between Guilt vs. Shame.  Shame is "I am bad."  Guilt comes from behavior, " I did something bad."

So perhaps I am more feeling guilt than shame. Regardless such events in my life triggers a sense of shame for aren't our actions are a manifestation of who we are?  Such feelings and thoughts show me that self-love is still a work in progress.  There are those who think that shame or guilt are good things to feel for they are our internal moral police to keep us on the straight and narrow.  If we did not have a strong moral compass then would we not feel the shame or guilt?

My desire is never to feel such emotions for I want to be that person who has integrity, i.e. have my behavior align with my values.  Even for my bio mishaps, I want to be able to be more compassionate and accepting that I am human.  So maybe to feel shame and guilt are just signals to myself to remind me to be more compassionate with myself?  For some people, when they struggle or fail in relationships then that's their signal that they need to work on self-love.

For me, it is allowing me to be human.  That even though "I should know better" or I could have tried harder, I still fail and in that failure brings shame.  It is more shame than guilt for me.  Yes I beat myself up for poor judgment, i.e. I should have known better.  Yes I beat myself up for not trying hard enough or been more careful.  All those feelings come from a place of expectation of perfection.  I don't hold other people to such standards then why should I do so for myself?

So all roads lead to loving myself, to not pass negative judgment on myself, to be lovingly compassionate with myself, and to give myself grace.  The metaphor of being a child of God is a good image to help remind myself to do all that.