Belonging

Gosh darn it!  I thought I had this sense of not belonging tamped down.  I was not naive enough to know that I had gotten rid of that sense of longing, sadness, disconnection.  I thought it was not much of an issue anymore.  My Heart talking circle brought it up again where one of the caring, wise members pointed me to looking into my pain.  My Shamantic journey circle highlighted that a week later when I fell into sadness and some despair.  I took this as a opportunity to sit with that and examine what lies underneath. 

Me feeling that I don't belong could stem from my family-of-origin (FOO) where we grew up in a white neighborhood where no Asians were.  I stood out as someone who should know karate and Japanese and asked where I was from.  Despite my Father's best efforts to integrate into the community by forcing me and my brothers into Cub Scouts and later Boy Scouts, by making us go to the Presbyterian Church Sunday School every Sunday, and other activities and groups to prove that we did belong, I felt I never really did.

This lack of belonging could also have been reinforced from my ancestral roots since both sides of my family were immigrants from Japan.  I am sure that they felt persecution as well which probably created epigenetic markers that were passed on to me.

Regardless of the origins of my deep sense of lack, I look toward "solutions" where I can transform that feeling into a direction in my life.  A good focus would be helping others who feel disenfranchised or adrift because there is no community or tribe or family to help anchor them in their self worthiness and connection.

My question to myself is "How?"  In what form do I help these people?  Website/blog?  In person, one-on-one counseling?  Being part of a group of such yearning people?  I put it out to the Universe to show me the way, or at least give me some sort of clue.

To be continued...