This is a similar blog to my previous postings of Love and Obligation and Being Honest.
I have a friend of 5 years to whom I have expressed (friend) love. Now I am not feeling that anymore. I felt very close to her for we shared a common background of pain and dealing with our psychological challenges around work. We have struggled and continue to struggle along similar paths with career. We had an affinity because of our respective self awareness and willingness to improve. What I find harder and harder to deal with is my judgment of the circumstances of her stuckness.
She is in a 30 plus year marriage to a physician. She is taken care of financially but talks poor, how she cannot afford things. She talks about needing to work but she has not since I’ve known her. Instead she went to get another Master’s degree in a similar field that she already has a MA in by incurring tuition debt in the six figures and at an age of being in her mid-50s.
I know her pain and fear is real. I just find myself resenting her and her struggle. I see that she Is making steps trying to move forward in her career but she is doing it all the while being the financial dependent with a man she does not want to be married to.
What is the trade off of acknowledging my feelings and move away from the friendship versus owning up to my judgments and staying in the friendship? Is love “fixed,” i.e. never changing from the start?
What is the spiritual issue in this? Isn’t it the point of love is to grow it, add others to it and not decrease the number of people I do love?
Ultimately I believe that how I see what my Truth is and that is to let go of a friendship that is not genuine for me anymore. I own my judgments of her for I believe all judgment is self judgment but for now I need to step away.
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