Put on a Happy Face

[click here] Put on a Happy Face

I have struggled most of my life in being in that place of joy, happiness or even satisfaction.  I know that this is a First World dilemma but dammit I was born in one, to a middle class family who loved me, and got a first class education all the up to two graduate schools.  I refuse to buy into the "be thankful for what you have because there are starving children in India."  First of all, my Indian friend told me that his mother told him the same except she used the United States starving children as the exhortation.  Second, I am not a starving child.  I am me.  I am living my life, not someone else's.

The Secret popularized the technique of manifesting what we desire just be "raising our vibration" and visualizing it.  The vibration is our joy.  The spirit channel Esther Hicks is someone who also popularizes this notion of attracting good fortune from being happy.

Now I am the last person to dis the notion of wanting to be happy however to focus on that one emotion and being made guilty that I am attaining my highest spiritual aspirations by not being in that highest vibrational nirvana does not work for me.  I see that as a one dimensional approach to living.  We have a range of emotions that are not positive, that are not high frequency.  And sure, I do believe that we benefit by hanging out the joy place more so than the depressive place of life.

I struggle with this. I do want to be happy most of the time.  It's not working. I believe it is in part that I have not honored my shadow emotions enough which, in turn will give my being a sense of the range of what I can feel.  In other words, I need to fully experience and be in a place of sadness in order to feel happiness.

I grew up in a family whose focus was not to be happy per se.  My parents worked hard to create economic security and also to raise their sons by giving us opportunities to better ourselves.  We were serious in making our way through life.  That meant doing a good job; whether in school, at a job, our chores.  Happiness seemed like a luxury that was not even in our vocabulary.

I love to watch those movies where they burst out with song and dance, where the guy dances with his umbrella down the street in the pouring rain, where they dance out chopsticks on a toy floor piano keyboard, or those movies where the character has this unwavering optimism.  Those characters I envy.  There is no worrying or doubting the rightness of their lives.

I have read about the studies that in order to be happy, one must have gratitude, have strong social connections, that there is a happiness set point we are born with, and finding that activity that you can lose a sense of time in, i.e. that creative effort.

Then there is that other factor of accomplishing something that is meaningful to oneself.  I only recently realized in this past decade or so.  I see that even though a meaningful life does not directly equate to a happy life they are tied together.  Having meaning gives depth to happiness.  This is low resonance high vibrational living.

So sure, let's be happy together for I believe joy begets joy.  I love to be around happy people. What I want more is that I will live a life of happiness that feeds my soul, that expresses it.  And it's the other way around isn't it?  If I express my soul then I can live a life of happiness, of meaning?  Rather than dwelling on this chicken or egg enigma, [Edwin Hawkins Singers]I will continue to move forward in both realms. I will work on singing or at least listening to music as well as dancing, or in my case thrashing wildly with abandon.  I will look for ways of expressing my soul through deep, heart-centered connections with compassion and authenticity.

Guilt Tripping

Or is it shame?
[click on this link] Evelyn 'Champagne' King - Shame

From the Merriam-Webster dictionary:  a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety.

My definition is that It is unintentionally and usually publicly doing the wrong thing though carelessness and/or by not being mindful.  I have peed in public because I could not hold it any longer and did not want to wet my  pants.  I have lost my glasses that I was wearing without remembering how by drinking too much.  I recently got fired from the lowest wage job I ever had since I was a teenager by some egregious dereliction of duty.

[click on this link] Bene' Brown has talked and written extensively about shame.  However she identifies Shame's origins are Never good enough and Who do you think you are?  Her theme seems like that shame is the result of trying and failing at something.  She makes a distinction between Guilt vs. Shame.  Shame is "I am bad."  Guilt comes from behavior, " I did something bad."

So perhaps I am more feeling guilt than shame. Regardless such events in my life triggers a sense of shame for aren't our actions are a manifestation of who we are?  Such feelings and thoughts show me that self-love is still a work in progress.  There are those who think that shame or guilt are good things to feel for they are our internal moral police to keep us on the straight and narrow.  If we did not have a strong moral compass then would we not feel the shame or guilt?

My desire is never to feel such emotions for I want to be that person who has integrity, i.e. have my behavior align with my values.  Even for my bio mishaps, I want to be able to be more compassionate and accepting that I am human.  So maybe to feel shame and guilt are just signals to myself to remind me to be more compassionate with myself?  For some people, when they struggle or fail in relationships then that's their signal that they need to work on self-love.

For me, it is allowing me to be human.  That even though "I should know better" or I could have tried harder, I still fail and in that failure brings shame.  It is more shame than guilt for me.  Yes I beat myself up for poor judgment, i.e. I should have known better.  Yes I beat myself up for not trying hard enough or been more careful.  All those feelings come from a place of expectation of perfection.  I don't hold other people to such standards then why should I do so for myself?

So all roads lead to loving myself, to not pass negative judgment on myself, to be lovingly compassionate with myself, and to give myself grace.  The metaphor of being a child of God is a good image to help remind myself to do all that.