Where is the Love?

[click on this link] Roberta Flack and Donny Hathaway's version

I read somewhere we only come from two places in our behavior; love or fear.
From my reading about Near Death Experiences that one of the common takeaways from those who come back from the dead is that our sole purpose and focus in our life is to love.
The other thing that sticks with me about this subject is the only thing I remember from Neale Donald Walsch's book, "Conversations With God" (which came out in 1999?) was that our purpose in life is to remember our own perfection.  In other words, basically it does come down to love.

Now, that's all well in good but Love, with a capital "L" is a BIG concept and subject to wide interpretation (in my humble opinion).  The Greek language has 6 words for love.  So why the hell am I writing about this abstract concept?  It is because I want to get clarity on how I can best live my life.  I want to live.  I want to live fully and deeply.  I see the path to this goal is to be In Love.  Not the romantic, gooey, stars in my eyes kind of In Love but fully incorporate Love within my entire being and live from there.  But first, I need to determine what the hell is that.

So this blog is my stab in exploring what that means, not in "concept" but in practice, in guidelines, in principle, in vision, in something that I can point to in order to live by.

Right now, I believe that this abstract concept of Love with a capital "L" is compassion.  Compassion to me is allowing the other to be who they are without negative judgement or at least with some understanding on the "why" of the behavior.  I do this with my dog when he does something that gets me angry.  I work on doing this even with Donald Trump by reminding myself that he is a lost soul coming from fear and pain which results in anger.  I am pained that people like him that spread pain, fear, and harm to those around him.  Still this is my challenge, my spiritual journey.  I believe if I can truly love all then I have peace.

I ran across this haunting and amazing [click on this link] choir song that captures the essence of the struggle of Love-ing.  I believe in the sun even when it’s not shining.  I believe in love even when I don’t feel it.  I believe in God even when He is silent.

Of course, love starts for our own selves first. [click on this link]  Keb Mo' You Can Love Yourself  Another word for Love is Acceptance.  Accepting myself is Love to me.  I have this view of who I am that I can always do better.  There is a difference between who I am and what I do.  However for most, those two are intertwined if not being the same thing.  I do not dwell on whether I'm "good enough."  I focus on being "OK" with who I am.  I focus on getting to that place within which is Peace.

Love is a verb.  Love is a process.  Love is an attitude.  Love is a state of being.

I have people around me who practice that.  Love begets love.  I am blessed that I have such support and circle of friends and family who reinforces on what Love means.  I believe that who I attract in my life is an indicator of my spiritual health.  I'm on my way.

I'm putting the Suck into Success

Success
I wonder about that, this success thing.  This is what we all been exhorted to seek, to achieve, to be admired for.  This is supposedly what is our purpose in life to become.  This is what people eulogize when we are gone.  The slippery thing about it though is that we can damn well define it any way we want.  It's like painting the bullseye around the already shot arrow.

Success is something we measure, quantify, qualitatively define.  This is society's metric for a life well lived.  This is what should drive us.  This is what we should be setting our goals for.  This is the destination for our journey.

I have struggled mightily to look at how my life is with this success thing.  Yes, I can self-justify and rationalize that my life is successful by virture of how my amazing children are.  I don't buy that.  That implies that their mother, their teachers, their friends and many others had no hand in them becoming who they are.  Plus not to mention their own beautiful personality, character, and intelligence that helped make them who they are.  No, my children are not is something that I call a success of my own though I do take credit in my part in their lives.

I look around me, toward my friends.  I see those who are following their heart, their own path. A lot of them don't have college degrees. Those who have them aren't working in the field of their major.

R is a book store clerk and was a Union organizer.  A was a long time massage therapist, now a food blogger.  C was in sales and now an author and a teacher.  C has her own adult care business with a side hustle of alternative farming.  T is an international traveler with a doctorate is a trainer, teacher, and consultant who practices her talents to various schools and agencies.  M has a Master's in Organizational Development who worked for Intel for almost a score and is now on a journey of self actualization and discovery while living in Madrid.  M has a Master's in psychology and counseling and he has his own business in organizing other people's spaces  A has her own spiritual products store and a singer.  M is a retired business owner whose business helped children who have struggled getting a traditional high school education.  L has been focused on being a great mother and trying to find her way to financially sustain herself now.  J has a dog walking business who also is an artist/painter.  S was working for a print shop and now is focused on her health.  B is a therapist who has done that for over twenty years. F is a customer service rep for a large utility company but her true love is her art.  For the most part, what they are doing is not easy financially for them. There are others but I see this pattern of those in my life who are struggling to live their lives with integrity and happiness.


I wonder if they consider themselves a success?   What about me?  For someone who hated school since grammar school, I have two Master's degrees.  I find that highly ironic.  I am someone who has not been able to hold onto a job my entire life for more than 3 years.  That is another irony for I wanted to follow in my Father's footsteps by staying in one company until I could retire.  He did that but at a price.  He absolutely hated his Government job and soon after he retired, he died.  I am someone who is still looking for what truly brings me joy. I was a janitor in my 40s.  I did so with the chagrin of knowing how my parents worked hard and gave such a stellar education so I could live a better life than them. Right now I am a security guard walking the beat three times a day, 8 miles a day.  And no, this is not my dream job. I am not ashamed of this but I know this is not what I am meant to do on this planet.

Should I even go along with society and measure myself against the yardstick of success? https://longreads.com/2019/09/06/the-myth-of-making-it/?utm_source=pocket-newtab If I don't then that would another chicken shit way of avoiding  failure? My short answer is "no" I rather not use this descriptor as who I am.  However I do dwell on how I can make the world a better place.  What the f**k does that mean or look like?  For me, it means being able to help people help themselves.  This is what I have honed in on what my Life's Purpose looks like  Can this be measured?  Quantified? Unlikely.

I am rejecting this descriptor, this measure of a man for myself.  Rather I would rather work on how I can practice being a more compassionate human who leverages my talents in helping those around me to help themselves, to heal themselves, to feel more loved.  I see this as my legacy.

“Be a lamp, or a lifeboat, or a ladder. Help someone's soul heal. Walk out of your house like a shepherd.” ― Rumi   

Where the Hell is Mark?

An artist friend Cher Odom, who is known for her whimsical paintings, shared the following  from the book Your Soul’s Plan by Robert Schwartz:

"And when Christina returns to spirit, the effects of her lifetime will continue to ripple across the physical plane.  Like a hand on a clear window, each of our lives leaves fingerprints that endure long after the touch.  Some of our energy lingers in the thoughtforms of which Cassandra spoke; all of it echoes across time and space, affecting not only those who share Earth with us when we are here, but also those who will follow."

"Each of us is a seed that was planted within our world's current vibration.  When we raise our own frequencies through the growth produced by life challenges, we raise the world's frequency from within.  Like a single drop of dye added to a glass of water, each person alters the entire hue.  As we create feelings of joy, even if we do so while living alone on a mountaintop, we emit a frequency that makes it easier for others to be joyful.  As we create feelings of peace, we resonate an energy that helps to end wars.  As we love we make it easier for others, both those whom we meet and those who will never know of us, to love.  Who we are is therefore far more meaningful than anything we may ever do."

"... each of us has an impact that far exceeds our knowing.  Our ability to affect the world so forcefully is equally a wonderful opportunity and a great responsibility."

Cher shared this gratitude with me...
I have no clue if the message radiates with you as it does me (on a very deep level) but I felt the need/desire to share. Your FB posts are a clear example of how you touch other souls long after your post/thoughts have been shared. We never really know exactly the power of the energy we send out through the world and to those close to us.

I love "Where The Hell Is Matt?" videos and the songtrack (Trip the Light sung by Alicia Lemke, composed by Garry Schyman) conveys the worldwide togetherness illustrating the feeling of  this essay's theme.

I know we all are connected, some more deeply than with others.  I know we affect those around us directly and indirectly.  We teach our children by how we live our lives.  We give permission to those around us to share their essence more by how we show up in life authentically with vulnerability.

This connection we all have is something that I am aware of and therefore feel a responsibility for.  I not only owe it to myself to live the best, meaningful, and loving life I can but also to those around me.

As I muddle through life, I keep looking to get to that place of feeling that I am living my life's purpose and making a positive difference in this world.  I want to feel some sort of satisfaction or even joy in this process. 

I think that I may be looking for this ideal rather than what really would a realistic fit for who I am.  I suspect that this is more common for people than any of us care to admit to.  I believe that is a big part of my grand journey, to fully accept myself which means to not only accept where I am at in life but to fully embrace it.  I suspect this acceptance of being OK with how I am living my life insofar making a difference is the main aspect of loving myself.