Post Op Lessons Learned

There is an African saying “The blessing is next to the wound.”

I am now able to step back from my bowel obstruction surgery which took 9 days of hospitalization and look at the blessings from it.

I got to see my children and their partners all together on my first day of hospitalization.  We rarely get together all at once and this got to be a time we did.

I got to really experience and take in the deep love and caring from my children.  I tend to discount myself as someone who makes a positive difference in people's lives.  I look at myself as someone who can always do better, especially as a father.  I really felt in a deep emotional way that I am truly cared for, valued and loved by my children.

My surgery in this particular area of my body seemed to be a metaphor for what is blocked in my life.  I think the First/Root Chakra is associated with my blocked colon.  This chakra is associated with survival, stability, acceptance, grounding, fear, safety.  I suspect that acceptance is the key aspect that was blocked.  Now that I am recovering, I do hope that not only physical my life energy is back flowing but also having my self acceptance energy there as well.

My Second/Sacral Chakra could be the chakra that is associated with my colon.  I have been working on freeing this chakra for it is associated with creativity, passion, sexual energy.  I have felt that I have lacked passion in my life.  I don't have a dream or a drive to do something that excites me for I have no real excitement aka passion.  I think this is the underlying issue that is holding me back in my work and personal life, or just life in general.  Hopefully this operation will also let loose this passion energy so I can have a life of passion.

The outpouring of love and support from my friends shocked me.  Again, I guess I thought little of my "footprint" in this world and even though I cared for my friends, I did not expect such caring back.  I heard from those I had not had much communication before.

I have learned that even in when I was in this seemingly never ending cycle of pain and relief, pain and relief I was cared for by strangers.  This was not just dispassionate, clinical, perfunctory care.  This was care from people who did not see me as one of a string of other sick and recovering patients but as a fellow human who was in pain and needed their care. These people who connected with me as another person who also had feelings, who shared their humor as well as their professional skilled care.  I learned that the world can be/is a friendly place.  These caregivers were shining lights and examples for me to show me how I can treat strangers as if they weren't but as connected human beings with feelings.

Perhaps this unblocking Root Chakra acceptance energy has showed up as well?  Regardless, the blessing of such demonstrations of caring through words, deed (offers of meals and errand running and anything else), and even money were unexpected positives from this most physical painful experience in my life.

I am so humbled and grateful to have these people in my life.

Blind Boys of Alabama - I Shall Not Walk Alone

I am sure that I will continue to gain wisdom and insight from this experience of hospitalization and recovery afterwards.  I now look at my new touchstone of self-acceptance as a means to help me navigate my life.

I still have this sense of stuckness for my job/career/means of living.  However I embrace this new faith in life, in the Universe, in myself.  Hell, what can be more powerful than painful colon surgery to give me the message of acceptance; for myself, for my life?

My Hospitalization Costs

I keep hearing about the state of affairs of our United States healthcare.

I got to experience it first hand from my 9 day stay in the hospital for my blocked colon surgery this past October.

I just got the bill.  From the looks of it, it covers all my expenses during my stay at Providence St. Vincent Medical Center/Hospital.

The list is quite extensive and frankly amazing.

• Semi-private room: $1,918/day -> $17,262 total
• Pharmacy: $15,208.41 (includes pain medication, electrolytes, IV nutrition, etc.)
• Anesthesia: $1,156
• Emergency Room: $2,162
• Laboratory: $1,844
• Operating Room: $9,269
• Medical/Surgical Supplies and Devices: $442 (catheter)
• Professional Fees: $780 (Emergency Room)
• Recovery Room: $569
• Treatment or Observation Room: $657

Total: $53,505.41

Insurance coverage: $51,705.41

Patient balance: $1,800 due at the end of November, this month.

They offer a no interest payment plan which I intend to take advantage of.

Thank God that I do not have to resort to GoFundMe to help me cover my expenses for 1 in 3 are for such a reason.  This is the state of healthcare in this country.

November 10 addendum
Anesthesiology: $1,599
Insurance coverage: $1,190.02
Patient balance: $74.37

December 05 added YouTube video on sharing how much it costs for US healthcare with Brits
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kll-yYQwmuM&feature=share&fbclid=IwAR1dmSUBi94PSytKy8Pk0MMjyjG8VHwcnEEt-RlVu9g9e2MPBShbjCSjfcg 

What Does It Mean?

“The world isn't just the way it is. It is how we understand it, no? And in understanding something, we bring something to it, no?
Doesn't that make life a story?”

― Yann Martel, Life of Pi

I look for meaning in my life.  I also look for the meaning of the events that happen in my life.  I think this is a very human thing.  Looking up if there is a field of psychology about this, I found that semiotics is the broad area where this falls into.

When I had my bowel obstruction surgery, the doctor told me that the intestine has it own nervous system.  I knew that from my Body Talk knowledge.  I later found out it is called the Enteric nervous system.  The scientists call this our Second Brain. It is known that this controls our emotions.

The one and only other time I was in the hospital was when I was around 12 years old for, coincidentally enough, a stomach problem.  I had similar very sharp pains in my gut which landed me in the hospital.  My dad feared it was an appendicitis attack.  He lost his older brother from a blotched appendectomy so this brought back horrific memories for him.  I had to stay around 2-3 days under observation but they could not diagnose the issue or so my dad told me.

I wonder this history of abdominal issues (there were other, more minor instances of intestinal pain and disturbances throughout my life) that culminated to the most painful time in my life were signals to me to pay attention to this gut wisdom.

I knew about this source of intelligence and have tried to access that in the past multiple times and having taken several classes to assist me but to no avail.

I believe that my physical maladies are messages from my body to pay attention to the wisdom it has for me.  The frustrating part is that I have tried for years.  I am at loss on what I can do.  This painful time of my bowel being obstructed.

So maybe this surgery was the "fix" for me to access my gut intelligence now.  Maybe this opened up the energy channels so I can be more intuitive.  If I had to make up the lesson for this traumatic time that put me painfully out of commission, then for now, I'm positing this as the reason this happened to me.